How to get brainwashed and become a successful fearless artist

Michelle Lynne: Hey everybody. Welcome back to the Free Stars podcast. I am your host, Michelle Lynn, and right now I am very happy to have my great friend, Chloe Weston, on. Chloe, welcome to the podcast.

Chloe Weston: Thank you so much for having me. It’s truly an honor being here. I listen to it all the time. That’s true. And so it’s very surreal to be on the other end.

Michelle Lynne: Um, I wanted to have you on for a while, but first of all, thank you for being one of our faithful listeners. Mm-hmm. And to everyone out there who’s listening right now, I wanna say thank you for being a faithful listener, um, because this podcast is, uh, possible because of you guys and the great feedback we’re getting. And actually, Chloe, you’re one of the people who writes me on a regular basis, talking about what you like and that. But as a host, that helps me a lot to know what’s important and what matters to you guys and how we can continue to make, um, interesting episodes to help artists become fearless. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. So, Chloe, you are the essence of a fearless artist. Oh, my—

Chloe Weston: Goodness. Thank you.

Michelle Lynne: You’ve been with us at TFA for, I don’t know, four years, I believe. Yes. Can you please intro yourself to our audience and maybe give some context as to what we’re doing? It is currently midnight. Yes. And we’re recording an episode in our hotel room, 1153 to be exact, in, in Portugal. That’s what we’re doing right now.

Chloe Weston: It’s literally my dream come true.

Michelle Lynne: We’re just gallivanting around in Porto, Portugal. I’m forcing you to record a podcast episode at midnight because I need an episode released for next week, and my podcast producer was like, “you’re behind.” I’m like, “Chloe, we’re doing place right time. We’re doing an episode right now.”

Chloe Weston: Right place, right time. Yeah, it’s my favorite thing ever. I listen to it all the time, and I just find it really uplifting. And it’s a, it’s a pleasure to be here and chat. And, okay, so the fearless artist origin story, is that what we’re looking for? Your story. Okay. Who are you? Oh, right. Hi. Can you tell—

Michelle Lynne: This is my first ever podcast interview. Are you— first guest? Yes. First time of being a guest. Okay. Yes. Well, this is great because you’re gonna need a lot of practice because—

Chloe Weston: Big news everybody. Chloe is releasing her own podcast: Pianists not practicing. Not practicing, which is also what we’re doing right now. We’re not practicing. It’s midnight and we’re in our hotel room. Yes. Okay. Chloe Wesson, Canadian pianist, largely classical. Um, yeah, and I’ve been really enjoying working with a fearless artist for many years now. I think that it came to me in a time when I really needed it, and I don’t know. Was it 2020? 2021, and I was done with school, which I think is a huge transition period for a lot of musicians.

Michelle Lynne: Yeah.

Chloe Weston: Um, you’re used to such a, a group community, like built in around you? I think any— anybody in school, not just musicians. It was the biggest thing I missed leaving school is the, the people in the community. Yeah. Yeah, me too. ‘Cause I’m a big, like, let’s go to dinner, let’s hang out, let’s go to concerts with people, and it’s already built in with school. Um, so I had moved back home, uh, which has a smaller musician community.

Michelle Lynne: And your bachelor’s was in—

Chloe Weston: London. Mm-hmm. Ontario. Ontario in Canada. And then I had studied in the US for a little bit at Indiana University. Um, and then I moved home, yeah, during the pandemic and home Ontario. Yes, Northern Ontario. It’s gorgeous, but, um, less busy, like a smaller community than, than I was used to for sure. And especially in the, in the classical sphere. Um, so, yeah, there were a lot of different factors happening, you know, leaving school, moving home, pandemic, pandemic. Like there are a lot of things happening. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I love community. I love coming together with people who are as fired up as I am to do things and create things and feel like you’re not the only one out there trying to make something happen in this career, which is already, you know, like very nebulous, I would say. There’s not really a one track, um, that people follow other than the, the stereotypes that I don’t really exist, um, anymore. So, yeah, a lot of, um, searching for, for a path or finding my own way and feeling like I really want to get out there and perform. I really want to start taking myself seriously as an artist, because I had been, you know, playing forever. I, didn’t start playing super young, but I, you know, I’ve been playing for a long time and had a lot of different jobs in music. Um, like doing collab, uh, accompanying a lot of people where I, I was really lucky to go to a university where there was a lot of singers, mm-hmm, um, a lot of instrumentalists, and the accompanist market was freelance, so it’s like whoever you get, you get to have. And I had the, like, amazing luck to work with some amazing profs, uh, to learn how to collaborate and play with others. So that was really great. So that was kind of my first, first kind of music job, um, playing with others and, and coaching and, you know, teaching piano and then a lot of like repertoire kind of stuff. But after I had finished at IU, I was like, “okay, I, I wanna play solo rep. I want to really,” and, and chamber as well, “but I really wanted to have more of that versus just collab repertoire as work.” Yeah. “For a job.”

Michelle Lynne: Yeah.

Chloe Weston: Um, and that’s, a tough thing to navigate on your own. Hence, you know, you’re on the internet and you find the fearless artist, what is this? And actually, I had heard from you from someone, a friend of mine, who had like a one-off coaching with you. Who is it? A friend of mine—

Michelle Lynne: I’m not gonna say.

Chloe Weston: Okay, sure, sure.

Michelle Lynne: Fair.

Chloe Weston: Enough. Um, but she was getting like a coaching from you and you had just started. Uh-huh. And she said that you were a Canadian pianist. And I was like, “what? Who is this?” So I—

Michelle Lynne: You did a lot of calls in the beginning. Yeah, yeah.

Chloe Weston: And I looked you guys up and I was like, “well, this seems really cool,” like, having, having meetings and, and at that time, at, on, during the pandemic, everything was, “oh, let’s have a Zoom meeting about it.” I was doing, I was, everything, every connection I had to the outside world, like everybody else. I was doing like all kinds of classes online.

Michelle Lynne: Yeah.

Chloe Weston: So this was just another thing.

Michelle Lynne: Um, we did some free workshops back then in 2020, just like getting people together to talk about like, “okay, how are we gonna navigate this shutdown down season?” Yeah. And try to mitigate some of the fear that was coming. I remember there’s so much fear. People were saying crazy things like, “we’re never going to have live concerts ever again.” Those were like real things being spoken out loud. Mm-hmm. And it was so much, uh, uncertainty, so much, so much that we didn’t know and it was like, “okay, let’s focus on what we can do right now.” And just like, I just wanted to kind of gather people and rally the troops in a sense. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Um, what was the first thing you did with us? Was it the sprint or you came into the fast forward? ‘Cause fast. That’s where it didn’t start. It’s been four years now that we’ve had the monthly membership.

Chloe Weston: It might have been Mastermind.

Michelle Lynne: Okay. Yeah. Sure. Yeah. There are three different ways. There are three ways that we, we help people now, for anybody new who’s listening. Um, mastermind was our, at the time, we only did it for three months at a time. Yes. Uh, I gotta ask you, who was in your group back then?

Chloe Weston: Well, I’m trying to remember, and I’m having a really hard time and I honestly don’t even remember, like, what was my, you know how back then it was more project based? We made pool. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don’t even remember what my project was at the time. Um, it’s all a blur. Yeah. But it did get the ball rolling for me, seeing other people doing what I want to do. Yeah. Like getting out there and playing. Um, just being around that. We were talking about that just, you know, 20 minutes ago, how important it is to be around people who are inspiring you or, um, doing what you wanna be doing. Mm-hmm. Like just a couple steps ahead of you. Yeah. Um, and being, you know, the small fish in a bigger pond is, for me, is really motivating.

Michelle Lynne: I was about to say like, if you moved home to Northern Ontario, like as an Albertan, I think I can say this without offending, but like these communities that we grew up in, mm-hmm, once you go out and you study in the, the big world and then you go home, you’re like, “wait a second, like, I don’t belong here. Like, I need to, I need to keep pushing for that level that I know I’m capable of.” Mm-hmm. And it’s so easy to, to shrink back into that old version of yourself or maybe the level that you used to play at or what people think is, I mean, and you, you play anything and they think you’re amazing. Mm-hmm. And you’re like, “no, no, no. I know that I can be this,” and if you come back, it’s so easy to fall back into that. Mm-hmm. Like, was that your experience? I know every time I go home to Grand Prairie, I have to like remind myself like, “hang on a second. Like, yeah, don’t backslide while you’re here.” Yeah.

Chloe Weston: Like a little bit of that, but also I was never a pianist when I was at home. Okay. You know, like I moved away from school when I was 17. Oh, okay. Okay, that’s different. But I, all my training was away. Okay. I lived away from home for a long time, um, like 15 years or what, or whatever. And, and then, so it, at home, my home life was family and, and vacation. Okay. You know, so I didn’t have really a, a music network there. Okay. But it’s really interesting, and I don’t know if we wanna go down this road yet, but in the most unlikeliest of times and the most unlikeliest of circumstances is, if that’s a word. Um, it is now… Um, I did find a community there and I got my first big hotshot solo gigs there.

Michelle Lynne: Okay, great.

Chloe Weston: Just because—

Michelle Lynne: Is that the orchestra gigs you’re talking about?

Chloe Weston: Yeah. Okay. Like a soloist with, with orchestra. Yeah. Which was a big deal to me. And I would love to look at the data on this, be like the timing exactly, because I remember, like, I must have been in fearless artists for a little bit and this whole concept of, showing up, taking yourself seriously as an artist, showing up as you want to be, mm, not necessarily what you think you are right now. Yeah. But like where you’re, where you’re going. Yeah. And I literally asked for my first concerto gig. I said, “Hey,” uh, I was playing with the orchestra a lot, um, as keyboard in the orchestra. Oh, yeah, I remember this. Yeah, yeah. Like in a, in a in the group. Yeah, in the ensemble. And, which was lovely and fun, but very easy. Like, it’s just like a few notes here. A few notes there, you know. Um, so I go to a concert, ’cause I’m going to all the North Bay Symphony concerts. Like, I, I, I like to go, um, and support and, and be part of that community. ‘Cause that was, that was pretty much the thing that was there for me as far as classical music is concerned. So I go and my piano teacher from when I first, first started, and she didn’t teach me for very long because she was like, “Ooh, she’s really into this. Let’s give her to someone else,” um, and gave me to like a more serious teacher.

Michelle Lynne: Um, but which also speaks highly of her that, yes, my gosh. She recognizes that. My gosh, some teachers would just hang on to you.

Chloe Weston: I owe my entire life to that woman. Aw, she’s such a, such a lovely human. And, and so she was in the audience and I said, you know, “how do I play soloist with orchestra, with this orchestra?” And she’s like, “no.” I said, “who do I talk to?” She’s like, “oh, you talk to me. I’m on the board.” And I was like, “what?” And I didn’t know that she was on the board. It was the most casual ask ever. I didn’t like think about it, like, obviously it’s in my mind. I wanna do it all the time.

Michelle Lynne: Ask for what you want.

Chloe Weston: Yes. And then, and then it just kinda, “oh, Chloe, you wanna play with orchestra?” “Okay, sure.” “What do you wanna play?” And they wouldn’t have known if you hadn’t have said something. Exactly. They didn’t, they didn’t know that that’s what I wanted. Yeah. Um, even though to me it’s so obvious, obvious, like, of course I want that. And they don’t know—

Michelle Lynne: Any orchestra’s listening… phone us…

Chloe Weston: Yes… because Yes. Like, and, and so, you know, after a pandemic, after an injury, I am like at home and that’s when I get my biggest breakthrough. And from there it’s just built, Yes. And snowballed. And like more and more gigs that I want are happening because I’m a, I’m doing more of them, so people see me doing them. So I get asked to do more or like, and simultaneously I am asking for more because that worked that one time.

Michelle Lynne: Yeah.

Chloe Weston: And I’m sure that being in Fearless Artist and being, you know, brainwashed. “Hey, ask for what you want. Go for what you want. You can make the career of your dreams.” What’s that tagline? “You can have the career of your dreams.” What is it? “You have what it takes to build the career of your dreams.” Yes, exactly. So all the brainwashing really works. And I’ve never had a podcast guest tell me outright that I’m brainwashing them before. In an— in an amazing way. In, in an amazing way.

Michelle Lynne: I talk about that all the time, like positive brainwashing versus negative brainwashing. I’ve had multiple people tell me that. They hear my voice in their head. Exactly. What an honor is that. Yeah. It’s as long as I’m telling you to do the right thing.

Chloe Weston: Yeah. And I think that’s true. Like, you know, people, people hate on affirmations. I don’t know. I have this one, like, list of these sentences that I’ve repeated to myself for the past, like, few years, and now it pops up in there, unsolicited.

Michelle Lynne: We ruminate all the time on negative thoughts. That’s what I’m saying. Why would we not meditate on what’s possible?

Chloe Weston: Yeah. And and so now it’s switched around and instead of ruminating on the negative things, which is negative, brainwashing yourself, ’cause half the time it’s not true. Right? You Exactly. Uh, okay. So I could just do it in this way that actually helps me and makes me feel good. And it, it’s amazing.

Michelle Lynne: Absolutely. I mean, the, the argument for affirmations is you’re either believing a lie that’s not true. Like, let’s say, like you feel like you’re a piece of crap, ’cause you didn’t prepare for, you know. Mm-hmm. Let’s say five lessons that you have in one week. I’m like, mm-hmm. That’s not true. But you could, you were thinking that. Mm-hmm. So instead you could think like, the opposite of that, which is a positive version. Mm-hmm. Which would help you, it would motivate you to take action. It would motivate you to show up in a different energy. Mm-hmm. And therefore be different. Right. It’s not about just sitting around doing nothing and telling yourself you’re awesome. It’s about the action that’s gonna happen as a result of you saying, “no, mm-hmm. I’m taking myself seriously. I’m showing up fully engaged. I’m here to give what I have to give.” I mean, that’s the reason why we tell, like, our beliefs first, and then we act accordingly. Mm-hmm. And so many musicians, I mean, we’re criticized from day one, so we get programmed to think—

Chloe Weston: Well and, and just human, never good enough. Human brains in general. There is always this negativity bias. It’s just pervasive. That’s just how, how it’s built. So it has to, you have to be consciously doing the opposite.

Michelle Lynne: So going back to you building, ’cause you have had a number of breakthroughs in the last few years. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Um, your content strategy has also helped reinforce that. Mm-hmm. Right? So if you’re asking in person, ’cause a lot of people get work in real life, like you’re saying. Yes. You asked some, someone who’s on the board, she says, “great, I’ll talk to my people.” Mm-hmm. Then you went after your content strategy. How has that helped with your, you know, ecosystem, let’s say of career? Yes. Um,

Chloe Weston: I think it’s so helpful. I look at it as like a living resume. That’s how I like to approach it, um, in, in certain ways. One aspect of it is this living resume part. So everything that I love to do and I enjoy doing, I like work-wise, I document it and I share it because a, usually I’m really fired up about it. I’m like really happy about it or really proud about it or, or I, I feel like I got a gush about all these people who like helped me get there or helped me, like, perform that gig. Or the composer that composed a concerto for— Oh, yes. Oh, my gosh. Like just really cool. So, um, I love to share that. It’s, it’s kind of like the positive brainwashing aspect as well because, okay, so now I’m building this body of work, this living resume as you scroll through. Like, oh, wow, okay, did this, did this, did this. And I think not only does it help me recognize and remember like, “oh yeah, like good things are happening here. Good things are happening.” And, um, you know, maybe it’s not everything you want yet. That’s okay. Life is very long, but, but at least you’re seeing it, you know? “Okay, great.” But the big thing about it is that, okay, so I haven’t spoken to my professor from an old school for five years, but she follows me on Instagram. So when I met up with her two weeks ago, she knows everything I’ve been up to.

Michelle Lynne: Amazing.

Chloe Weston: And she’s not only like happy to connect with me and see me because otherwise we wouldn’t get to see each other ’cause we live so far away. So she’s, she was so kind and like, “oh, I’m so happy to see you doing well. Yeah. I’m happy to see that you’re playing. Yes. I’m happy to see that you’re happy, but also this is the kind of stuff that you’re doing, which is really cool.” And from that I have for sure gotten offers for concerts and for, for gigs or, “hey, like I see you’re doing this kind of stuff. Do you wanna do this with me?” Hmm. “Because I feel like you would be good at it if you like this,” or, like, “if you are— Oh, you’re really into weird new contemporary stuff.” “Okay. I got something for you.”

Michelle Lynne: Exactly.

Chloe Weston: And, and what’s, you know, what we were saying earlier about asking for what you want? Like people don’t know what you’re doing—

Michelle Lynne: Exactly.

Chloe Weston: Or they don’t know what you want unless you say, “hey, I’m out here and I’m, I’m trying to make a solo career happen.” Mm-hmm. “So,” or chamber music, whatever, whatever you want. Yeah. Um, and for me it’s like, yeah, it’s, it’s solo and it’s chamber and it’s collaborating with new composers and, um, a little bit of adjudicating, like, and yes, people are finding out that I’m doing this, exactly that, through, through social media. And it’s hilarious because you’d think I think there’s, there was so much resistance for me at the beginning and I understand why there is, ’cause I feel all of those things. Um, but it’s just, it, the facts are there. Mm-hmm. Like the evidence is there, which is kind of, you know, annoying ’cause you can’t refute it. Um, and even, even Facebook—

Michelle Lynne: Oh, I hate that it works. I know, it’s hard.

Chloe Weston: Um, even Facebook, like my old, old professors, old colleagues. It’s really cool. And I think for me, I think it’s a two, two-faced coin. Like when you’re looking at other people’s social media, you can either be really demoralized or for me, a lot of the time I love it because I’m in, I’m in a literal location where there’s not friends of mine doing stuff, but I see them in my phone that they are doing, so I don’t feel like I’m the only one out here because, “oh, they’re trying this and they’re trying this,” and I have messages from from other pianists or other musicians, like, “ugh, thank you for posting that. Like, that made me feel seen.” Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. “Or, I’m so happy to see you doing this, like you’re inspiring me to, you know, step back from teaching and play a little bit more.” Or, and, and I only, like, I don’t have a big following, like really, it’s very small, um, in the grand scheme of things, but it feels it’s an engaged community. Meaningful to me. Yeah. It is. Because, because the stuff is meaningful to me. ‘Cause the, ’cause the content is meaningful to me.

Michelle Lynne: But people are telling you in person, mm-hmm, yeah. And through messages that what you post matters and whether you have, you know, 30 followers or Yeah. You know,

Chloe Weston: And, and it’s also a, you know, a huge gratitude practice too, because you’re looking and you’re, every time you have to make a post, you have to process like, “okay, how did I feel about this?” And yeah, “what did I learn from this?” And it forces you to sit down and, you know, one way is in a gratitude journal. Writing that down one way is chatting to your friends or your family, like, “ugh.” ‘Cause I do that too. Like, I go home and I just gush about like, “oh, this happened.” And, um, we created this and that, that concerto in Calgary with, uh, my composer friend, Mark Lamaer. He wrote me this brand spankin’ new concerto just for me and the Kensington Symphonia in Calgary. It was just in an incredible experience and, um, I get to go home and, and gush to my family about it, but I also get to share it with my people who aren’t with literally with me. And I think for me anyway, as a musician, your community is all over the place. Like you’ve studied with pianists that are all over the world now. Um, and instead of losing touch with them like you would back in the day, maybe now I get to, “hey, what is this person doing these days? Like, are they, are they playing? Like, what are they doing? How are they doing?” Um, so I, I like being able to reach across the world in that way. Yeah. Yeah. Like the most obvious example. Exact. Yeah, please. Good point. Yeah. So we’re here right now in Portugal, because I met Michelle five years ago, Yeah. Or whatever, four years ago.

Michelle Lynne: On Instagram.

Chloe Weston: On Instagram.

Michelle Lynne: So this is the first time we’re meeting in real life. Yes. And we have zero catching up to do or getting to know each other. Yeah. Because we’ve been hanging out, talking, working together for now. Yeah. Four years. Yeah. Very cool. We, our friendship started a long time ago. Mm-hmm. So, mm-hmm. That, and I had another friend, a pianist that I have followed from Australia, and she’s over in Europe doing summer master classes. And same thing, she came to my city just to meet me. Mm-hmm. We hang out for the day. There’s nothing to like get to know you. Yeah. It’s like I already know you. We’ve already voice DMed. We already, like, we know each other’s personalities. Mm-hmm. I’ve watched your stories for four years. Like we, we know, you get to know people with who matter. Mm-hmm. And then it just builds. I mean, our network, we were talking about this at dinner, our networks are crucial. Mm-hmm. So we can expand our network so easily, um, by, by spending time, uh, investing in the right type of people. Mm-hmm.

Chloe Weston: And, and connecting with people like, “oh, man, I just like her vibe.” Yes. And then I reach out and then, yeah, you get to work together or be inspired by them or, yeah, it’s pretty, pretty inspiring most of the time.

Michelle Lynne: So, speaking of inspiration, why don’t you tell us about your new podcast?

Chloe Weston: Okay, so this has been something that, again, I’ve, I’ve been listening to podcasts for a long time, and I think in my situation they’ve been really crucial in, in keeping me motivated, um, keeping me on track. What other artists are doing. I’m just obsessed with what are other artists doing? How are they doing it? How are they making it work? What are their thought process behind? That’s why I love the fearless artists as well. ‘Cause you get to not, like, I think on, when you see people from the outside, you don’t really know what they’re thinking or how it’s going for them. Um, but breaking through that barrier and either through connecting at the TFA or listening to podcast interviews where people are, are telling you the behind the scenes story of like, “yeah, I had a concert at Carnegie Hall.” “How did you do that? I wanna do that. How do you do that?” And I’ve always been very snoopy, you know, and, and, um, I’ve always asked people like, “hey, so. What’s up with that?” And, and that’s, um, been something that people have called me out for. Like, “you ask way too many questions, like, can you chill?” “Oh, really?” “Can you chill please?”

Michelle Lynne: I’ve never gotten that impression from you.

Chloe Weston: Maybe ’cause we’re both like that. I don’t know.

Michelle Lynne: Did you just tell me? Okay, so I, this is the first podcast guest I had who was like insulting me.

Chloe Weston: No, it’s a compli. You call me snoopy. The compliment, it’s compli. And, um, like even. Even like it started in the practice room hallway at school. Like, you’re, I’m practicing in my room and you’re practicing in your room, and then we come into the hallway like, “hey, what are you working on? What are you doing in there? How’s, how’s, how’s it going with your teacher?” “Oh, like, this was really hard for me. How did you tackle that?” Or like, “I’m fingering, are you using,” like, just that kind of, you know, vibing together. And then as I’ve gotten older, it’s become like phone calls with friends, like across the world. Like, “hey, like how are you doing?” Like TFA, but just, you know, on the phone with this friend. And, um, so he, this combination of like hearing people on these podcast episodes, what they’re doing behind the scenes, and then my natural, like asking all these people questions and, and the conversations that I would have, I was thinking, “oh, you know, people, like, I’m benefiting so much from this. Like there are other artists out there who would benefit from these convos.” Like, “how, how are you doing this?” And all the behind the scenes of, of what it takes to be a musician now, the mental prep, the physical prep, like I, I think there’s so many aspects of it that sometimes people don’t realize that you’re not the only one doing it, or you’re not the only one with an injury. You’re not the only one who is learning how to meditate, ’cause you really need to get outta your own way when you’re performing. You’re not the only one who feels like, “oh, how do I even pitch a concert?” You know, you’re not the only one. So when I hear things like that on podcasts, I’m so fired up. I’m so motivated to work and try new things, um, that I wanted, I wanted to make one of my own. And it came, the name came from a couple of those factors, like pianist, not practicing, hanging out in the hallway, but also came from, “okay, so you’re injured and you’re a pianist and you can’t play right now. What does that make you? Are you a pianist anymore? Okay. Yeah. Do you, can you be a pianist again?” So this was a couple years ago when this, when this name was per percolating around in my head. Um, and I just thought it was really funny.

Michelle Lynne: So I know, I know from what you shared with me, I mean, I love the name, I love the concept, but like you, you had so much resistance to starting this podcast. So for everyone listening, Yeah. Who has something that they wanna start, you know, a lot of people tell me in our coachings, like, “oh, I wanna write a blog. I wanna start a YouTube channel. I wanna start posting consistently,” or “I wanna pitch,” or “I basically, I wanna put myself out there.” Yeah. In whatever way, shape, or form, “I have all of this resistance.” Mm-hmm. Talk a little bit about your resistance and then how you’re actually pulling a plug, like you’re doing this.

Chloe Weston: Okay. Yeah. So first of all, yes, I understand the resistance. I feel the resistance. It’s not, you’re not alone in that. That’s for sure. Um, I think, yeah, many factors. So being surrounded by amazing people in TFA, doing things, putting themselves out there, seeing other people do it.

Michelle Lynne: Okay. Yeah. ‘Cause I mean, on the calls we really, we have that moment where everyone shares projects that are going well. Yeah. So that component you mean?

Chloe Weston: Mm-hmm. Yep. Mm-hmm. Um, and you personally like making a podcast after, after a while of not having one, like growing in different ways.

Michelle Lynne: You were one of the people who told me that you would be interested in listening.

Chloe Weston: There you go.

Michelle Lynne: And your voice like that was one of the reasons that I felt comfortable starting. Exactly. ‘Cause you were like, “you need a podcast.” Yes.

Chloe Weston: So not only other people doing those things, but having people in your ear saying that you can, yeah. Um, and that positive brainwashing that took a couple years to kick in, like, “oh, I, I could just try it.” And I have a, another friend named Michelle, who’s also incredible. It’s the open score and we like her. Yeah. Shout out. Oh, Michelle Lowe. Incredible. And. You know, she struck me, it was just a couple weeks ago, where she was like, “you’re never gonna find out unless you just try.”

Michelle Lynne: Mm.

Chloe Weston: And and I think—

Michelle Lynne: If you never try, you never know.

Chloe Weston: God. Exactly. Exactly. And I think there’s a lot of resistance for me because like all kinds of things, like, “oh, am I gonna say something silly? Am I gonna be held to something I say? And I can never take it back.” Like, “I don’t wanna,” you know. Yeah. But the, these are all really fearful sentences.

Michelle Lynne: Irrational fear.

Chloe Weston: Yeah. And, and things that are, that really boil down to fear of being seen. Yeah. And I think that, um, a huge aspect of it for me has been, and, and that’s in playing too. Um, I think there was always this misconception for me growing up that there, that a lot of pianists out there, they don’t feel fear anymore when they perform. Right. Which. Maybe there are some who don’t. But I’ve met and worked with a lot of like very high level professionals who do—

Michelle Lynne: Well, you just finished saying that Yuja was scared about that concerto, that she was—

Chloe Weston: Exactly.

Michelle Lynne: Tchaik one.

Chloe Weston: Tchaik one. She hadn’t played it in 10 years and she’s like, “Ooh, it’s on the Rolex commercial or something.” And, “oh, I’m a little, I feel like it’s my first time ’cause I haven’t played Tchaik One.” And this is Yuja Wang…. Yeah, exactly. Like that. That misconception that, that people don’t feel fear and then that allows them, “oh, then you can do it.” And I think the. Um, cliche of, “feel the fear and do it anyway.” Yeah. I think that’s literally what’s getting me through this.

Michelle Lynne: That book changed my life.

Chloe Weston: Mm-hmm. Yeah. And also the other huge thing I think is having people in your corner. Yes. So you’re in my corner and you hooked me up with Pokie and shout out to Pokey my producer. Woo. Our producer, our producer. He’s now our podcast producer. Still him. And if I didn’t have him in my corner supporting me and, and guiding me and helping me, if I didn’t have people like you, uh, supporting me and helping me. I think that’s, that’s, there’s so much power in that. Yeah. Being around people that are encouraging you and guiding you, and if you don’t know how to do something, somebody else out there does. Has every time. Yeah. I’m not, I’m not an audio editor and I don’t know what I’m doing with tech and like all these stuff. I don’t need to know how to do that. I’m gonna get someone who loves doing that and who’s really good at that and who doesn’t wanna chat for days, you know? So I’ll be the chatty one and, and they’ll do all the behind the scenes stuff and they’ll excel at that and I’ll excel at this. So stay in your lane. Yeah, yeah. Like do, do what you’re really good at and ask for help on the things that you’re not so good at or. You don’t have time to do. ‘Cause that’s another fear thing I had like, “ooh, like, I wanna be the best player I can be. Is this just gonna be too distracting and wasting, wasting my time?” Yeah. But I, and you know, we’re launching and we’ll see, like maybe I’ll change my mind eventually, which is another huge thing. I, I feel like, “oh, I have to know how it’s gonna go before I do it. And I have to know it’s gonna go really well before I try.” Um, oh, man. But this, this whole concept of like—

Michelle Lynne: The cheat code to life.

Chloe Weston: Yeah. Try it, see how it goes. A but I just, all these fears are, are getting in your way. And then when I actually started doing interviews, I was like, “you know what? I’m just gonna do an interview and see if I like it.” Like, I hadn’t even hit up pokey yet, I don’t think. Um, and it was really fun. And I was like, “ooh. I like this.” And then, and then I had to get, I had to get, “ooh, get some music to go on it.” And I was like, “oh, I would love to work with this composer friend of mine in L.A. I’m gonna ask him to make me something.” So like the collab, the fun that I have, that I do like in performances and gigs and concerts of like working with other people. Like that’s why concertos are the best, because it’s not just you like a lot of great solo stuff, but it’s not just you. Um, so that. That aspect of, of getting to work with friends who are really good at what they do. So he made me this incredibly sick beat. His name is An Wait, can we just like pause right here, Pokey, and play her intro or like the beat of the intro? That would be cool. Yeah. Oh, and it was, and I told him what I wanted and what I envisioned and he just like silver platter perfection. I’m like, first try. In like a day. I was like, “wow, uncle, thank you so much.” And it’s so sick. And, and then I got to, “oh, okay, now I have to make a photo.” So all of these things, and then I made one and I thought it was hilarious. And just like taking, taking your, taking myself a little less seriously. Mm-hmm. And it’s, um, a creative outlet that doesn’t have all of the. Baggage of what performing does. Yeah. That’s why a lot of us have a second instrument. ‘Cause there’s no trauma with second instrument, but it’s, you can just be free. It’s good on both sides because it’s, it’s like, it’s fun, creative. That’s different. And I’ve always felt that like, “I wanna make something, I wanna make something, I wanna make something.” Um, and I didn’t know how or what way. And there’s gonna be many ways, I’m sure. But this is one way that’s a really creative, fun thing to make. Um, but it also on the flip side reminds me that like, “you know, you could be having this much fun with all your serious classical rep, you know,” Ooh, you know, Uh-huh, “like you could let that go a little bit.”

Michelle Lynne: I think of that a lot.

Chloe Weston: Yeah. And have, yeah, I’m sure still having, ’cause you do so much cross genre stuff. Exactly. You know? Yeah.

Michelle Lynne: So when I play like a Coldplay show and I’m having the time of my fricking life, Yeah. I’m like, “why can I not bring this feeling exactly into a classical show?” Mm-hmm. “Oh, yeah. ‘Cause I’m worried about everything.” Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Like, “I’m stressed about every note and it has to be displayed. Has to be perfect.”

Chloe Weston: Yes. Meanwhile, the best artists that we see are usually having fun and usually having spontaneity in their performance. Yeah. And, and so I’m trying to apply that now more to the other side of what I do. Playing and performing. So it’s, yeah, it’s been very, you know, and this is just the beginning, so like, who knows how it’ll go and who knows.

Michelle Lynne: Oh, I already know how it’s gonna go. You’re gonna have, you’re gonna have merch.

Chloe Weston: Oh, yeah. We have plans for merch.

Michelle Lynne: You’re gonna have like pink sparkly t-shirts. Another, let’s say, “piano’s not practicing.” You’re gonna coffee mugs. Yes. Okay. When you get big, you’re gonna get, you’re gonna be bigger than this podcast. Yeah. Okay. Sure. Yeah. Yeah. Um, and we’ll see.

Chloe Weston: We’ll see how it goes and, and it’ll be fun and something different and, yeah.

Michelle Lynne: So if you’re listening, please go check out Pianist not practicing. Chloe, what’s one of the most fun things you’ve learned in the last year about yourself?

Chloe Weston: Oh, my gosh. I just think I’m trying to really appreciate when I put myself out there and appreciate when you’re trying something new and. Just, I love that the older I get, I’m realizing that life is really long.

Michelle Lynne: Mm.

Chloe Weston: And I have all the, all this time to try things and learn things. And how lucky am I to get to like spend my life? Listening to and playing and learning and being surrounded by like gorgeous music and really great people. Like that’s what your life is gonna look like.

Michelle Lynne: We said that today. I mean, we’re in Portugal. Yes. Studying with incredible faculty. We heard an amazing piano recital tonight. Schubert Impromptu and Schumann fantasy.

Chloe Weston: And that’s your life.

Michelle Lynne: Yeah, we’re in port. You know? You know. Yeah. We’re in Porto. It’s just ridiculous. Great food. Yeah. Good conversations with other musicians, being inspired, being around people who are also going after their dreams.

Chloe Weston: And just focusing on all of that. Yeah. Instead of the negative flip side, which you could focus on. Yeah. It’s just not very much fun. I’ve learned. I’ve done it. Yeah. It’s not very much fun.

Michelle Lynne: Focusing on the flip side, you’re saying? Mm-hmm. Okay. Or the flip side itself. Mm-hmm. Because I know sometimes when I’m home and I have to practice, it’s hard. It’s hard to not practice. Surrounded by other people practicing. Mm-hmm. And I think that there’s, um, Ray Chen developed an app specifically for that. Have you tried that app yet? No. No. Okay. So it’s like supposed to simulate the effect of people practicing around you. Mm. And I’m like, I think that’s literally the thing that I miss the most because at home it’s so hard to put like a proper routine in place. But here because we have like, you know, constant in the evening, we’ve got our fixed lessons, like there’s like a schedule that you have to fit, so then you, you’ve gotta fit in your time. Mm-hmm. But at home, sometimes having too much time or like an open day to plan in yourself, mm-hmm, is way more difficult than if you had certain blocks that have to get done.

Chloe Weston: Yeah. And I, I do, I’ve grown a lot with that actually. And I think, um, yeah, there’s so many things that have helped me and one of them is, is learning to schedule your day around things that, that you really enjoy having, having people in my life who are checking in on my practicing, “hey, what are you doing? What are you working on? How, how are your deadlines?” I love, I love plans, I love schedules. I love making them, um. Sticking to them is hard, but making them is fun. And, and I think that,

Michelle Lynne: Well, the concert’s always the deadline. Yes, exactly. No, it should be a month before the concert is the deadline. Yeah.

Chloe Weston: But I’ve made, um, my, I’m so lucky that like I didn’t have a piano growing up. Um, I had a keyboard until I left for university.

Michelle Lynne: Oh, I didn’t know that.

Chloe Weston: So when I got a piano in 2020 when it was a pandemic and I was like, “okay, well we have no instrument here, like I gotta get one.” Um, having my own instrument at home, nobody is fighting me for it. Like, “oh, I gotta hunt down a room, I gotta get there at like 8:00 AM.” Like, the stress of that. Oh, my God. So I have this gorgeous instrument at home that’s available to me at all times. And I’ve made my studio like the most cozy, ridiculous, everything is fur, everything is like not real for like shag, shag carpet, shag, uh, warm, cozy blankets. Like everything is cute and cozy. And I think a huge part of that is like, if, if you’re injured and you can’t play, and then I remember thinking, “if I ever get the chance to play again, I’m gonna get over this fear and I’m gonna enjoy playing,” because I missed it. I couldn’t believe how much, how debilitating it was to not play. Mm. And how depressed I was. Mm-hmm. And how—

Michelle Lynne: Yeah.

Chloe Weston: Much I missed it. And, and I was like, “yo, if I ever get to play again”—

Michelle Lynne: Mm.

Chloe Weston: “I’m gonna marinate in it.”

Michelle Lynne: Mm-hmm.

Chloe Weston: So now I do have a really different view for practicing. I think I still have a bit to go in performing. Like I, I try like joy is the point. Fun is the point. Everybody’s gonna love it. Like, and I think that’s such a difference between school and the real world. Like when I’m playing in something like this, like an academic kind of setting, way more pressure. When you’re playing for people out in the world, it’s like it goes back to what it’s really about. Mm. Connection. Yeah. And and loving the music and them like soaking it up and loving it too. And you can have that in an academic setting. And when I tap into it, it’s great. You know, every once in a while it’s like, “oh, I’m missing, I’m missing the point here.”

Michelle Lynne: Yeah.

Chloe Weston: And you just gotta plug back into it. Get two in our heads. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that, that feeling, um, I’m much better at getting to it now than I used to.

Michelle Lynne: That’s why I feel like Candlelight has been so healing for me.

Chloe Weston: Yeah.

Michelle Lynne: Like just trying to heal this perfectionism because I literally can do basically no wrong. And this audience will love, Yes. Me. ‘Cause they don’t, they’re not an, an educated audience. Mm-hmm. But they deeply love and care and they’re touched emotionally. And I was like, “oh, yeah. Connection, sharing beauty, sharing my gift. If, if I’m at like an 80% or a hundred percent, mm-hmm, they don’t know.” Yeah. I know. And I have like, “I wanna be a hundred percent every time,” but you know,

Chloe Weston: But also the big guys who are playing 350 concerts a year, they’re not a hundred percent every night either, you know? True. Yeah. Like, it’s impossible. You can’t be a hundred percent all the time. True. It’s just, it’s not how it works. But if the. Yeah. If the joy for it is, is bringing you back, if you’re able to get back to it, you know, and I think that’s, that’s what’s happening with practice for me. It’s like I get to practice. Mm-hmm. Instead of, I have to practice, which is a huge difference for me. That’s good. I’m glad that works. A huge difference. Yeah. Um, and learning new rep and like, “ooh, now I’m gonna try this.” I just, uh, yeah.

Michelle Lynne: So what’s something that you’re looking forward to after the festival’s over?

Chloe Weston: Two really well. Yeah. Okay. So in October, I’m gonna go for my first American gig, officially. Cool. Um, and I’m gonna be playing in Texas with my amazing friend Elizabeth Newkirk, on her really cool series. It’s called Archetype of Man. And we’re gonna be doing a Piano Duo concert. We’re gonna be doing Ravel, La valse… which is such a banger, and she recorded it for solo. Oh, already fun. So she like really knows it. So I’m really excited to like pick her brain. Um, you guys should check out her album. It’s called The Americanist. It’s so cool. The art on it is amazing as well.

Michelle Lynne: We should really sight read it together this week. Oh, God. Just get you like, yeah.

Chloe Weston: And we’re also gonna do Mi Scar as well. Fun. And then there’s like a philosophy lecture with it. It’s gonna be really cool. Yeah. So that’s after I get home from Porto. It’s like full on La valse time. Yeah.

Michelle Lynne: Awesome. Mm-hmm. Yeah. That’s really cool. Well, we love having you and fast forward, you know that. Thank you. I love being there. Being, yeah. Being a part of TFA and what’s, since you’ve been with us from the, the beginning, is there anything that you’ve seen change over time that you’ve noticed, remarked, appreciated?

Chloe Weston: Yeah. I think it’s gotten so big now. Mm-hmm. I think there’s so many more people in there, which is really exciting. I love that there’s two meetings a month now. I feel like, uh, we’re closer than ever because we’re seeing each other more often. Mm-hmm. I think the community vibe has just really grown on Slack. Um, people connecting, we were talking about that today, like people connecting outside of TFA time, like. It’s just so cool. You get to make these friends who are doing really cool stuff and then you get to connect with them and then collaborate with them even, um, or meet up in real life. Like I did that with um, another really good friend of ours in TFA.

Michelle Lynne: Um, actually there was four of us tonight at the concert, Yeah. in a row that were all fearless artists. And I was like, “oh, this is like a cool moment.” Yeah.

Chloe Weston: How cool was that? And I just, um, this is the time where I say I can’t thank you enough. Oh. For everything that you’re doing. I really think, I really think you’re making like this mammoth impact on people, and I don’t think you realize all the time how big it is, like 15k, no biggie. But I just think for people like me who are out here like trying to do it as well, I think it’s imperative to have you out here, like you’re like, at the, at the front, like, “we can do it.” And, and I just think like, everybody’s just like, “yes we can.” And I, I just, I can’t tell you how meaningful it’s been for me and how like, like I was so, like, you know, a lot of other factors. I was like, there’s a lot of stuff going on for me in, in my life, but this like beacon of, “you know what, this is possible and people are out here trying.” And, and, and you’re like a small town Canadian girl. And it just made it even more like, “well, shit, this is possible,” I think. And it just kinda, and I, knowing even when, you know, “oh, you’re not, oh, you’re so busy, you can’t make the calls,” or, um, “oh, I haven’t been able to log in or whatever.” Like just knowing that you’re out there doing it is, is enough support. Like, “okay, someone else is out here too.” And it’s just so, it’s been so meaningful to me and it is incredibly, I just need you to know that. That’s the impact you’re having on people, and I want you to feel like really good about that. Really, really good.

Michelle Lynne: Thank you so much.

Chloe Weston: Yeah, yeah. My pleasure. Yeah. I just wanted to take this opportunity because I feel like you never really get to thank people who are impacting your life that much, you know, like in person and, and for them to really feel it. And I know that my, my words can’t really do it justice, but I’m trying to. Yeah, yeah. And I, I want you to feel that and know that and go forward, like, whenever it’s really tough, be like, “okay, no. We know it’s making a difference. We have, we have proof now it’s on tape and video.”

Michelle Lynne: At midnight 30. Yeah. I’m glad. No, I, I really appreciate it. Thank you so much. No, of course. It’s really amazing and it’s like,

Chloe Weston: No brainer.

Michelle Lynne: I think the, the thing that has kept me personally going too in the hardest moments is this community. Mm-hmm. And thinking of, you know, you and Mari and Omar and Pokey and the, you know, Kendra and seeing people grow and seeing the lights turn on and people like start to get it. Like, “you know, you have what it takes.” And, um, hearing the projects and seeing, you know, even Jason has come in quite recently to the community, and then he, he said like, “oh, like something clicked in him and he started to get it,” and like he went for the pitches and he had, he put on a concert and he had a lot of great response. People come and one thing leads to another in this career, and if you don’t have the confidence or the know how to get going, then those things don’t come. Mm-hmm. So then you think, “I’m not good enough and everyone else”—

Chloe Weston: “There’s something about me.”

Michelle Lynne: “Something’s wrong with me.” Yeah. Or like, “I just, I don’t get this.” But it’s like, it’s just, we gotta dig, dig, dig, dig, dig. And then like suddenly things start like popping up. You’re like, “wait, what? This was here the whole time.” Mm-hmm. “And I didn’t know.” Yes. And we wouldn’t have known if we hadn’t have kept going. I mean, also, yeah, with TFA, it’s like we didn’t know that we would get fast forward to a place where it’s like this thriving community. Yeah. Like I could leave and it would still function. Mm-hmm. On its own. Which is the ultimate, like you wanna build something that’s bigger than you. Mm-hmm. And we kind of had that test with Deanna, like she just did her third mat leave and she was gone. It was like, “okay, are we gonna survive this?” Yeah. Because the last couple times was a little bit rocky, you know? And this time it was like we actually grew through it and mm-hmm. That’s thanks for our team. And anyway, I’ll save this all for the solo episode coming up, but, and also speaking of the power of people, I mean, we’re sitting here at 1230 because of Pokie… So Pokie… thank you for supporting. Yes. This podcast. Thank you Pokey, and getting the episodes out on time and telling me, you know, SOS text, “we have nothing in the bank, so go record something with Chloe.”

Chloe Weston: All of your technical expertise and your encouragement. Pokie will just be like, “great idea. Yeah, this looks great.” And I’m, meanwhile, I’m like melting, like, “is this photo good enough? Like, I don’t know, I’m not a photographer.” Yeah. And yeah, meanwhile he’s like, “yes.” Like people like that. Exactly. Like—

Michelle Lynne: You gotta choose your people.

Chloe Weston: Yeah. Really good people. If you have good people around there, there are good people out there. Yeah. It’s awesome.

Michelle Lynne: Thank you for being a fearless artist, for being one of the good people.

Chloe Weston: Thank you for having me. I’m really honored and I’m just so, I’m so happy to be part of it and I’m so happy that it’s just like, “oh, this is possible and this can be fun. Like just go do it. Go do it. Try stuff.” And everybody listening, please go. Follow Chloe’s new podcast. Pianists not practicing. Yes.

Michelle Lynne: Thanks for being here. Thanks for being on the show. Thanks for that. And, uh, yeah, follow us on Spotify, Apple. You can leave a review and if you loved the episode, take a screenshot, share it to your stories. It means so much. Thanks everybody. We’ll see you on the next episode of the Fearless Artist. Bye bye.